Final Stage - Ottawa, Canada - 3000 miles, give or take a couple of yards

THE CONDIMENT MAP
I had to make the map a link to my FaceBook page, as the photo kept rotating when I put it here - go figure...

Anyway...

Day Four - The Big Push.

Why we were late.

But I've jumped ahead.
You'll remember, gentle reader, that I was too knackered to put together a blog on the third evening. Because of this wimpy attitude, I completely neglected to give a shout out to the O'Neill's - the kind of family that takes in a couple of waifs, plies them with vittles, and then send them on their merry way stuffed full of hearty food and good cheer.
I've known John and his brood for a while now, and the last time I visited their (quite frankly extraordinary) house, I drew a quick Spiderman picture on the kids' chalkboard.

Imagine my delight to discover that they had refused to let anyone erase it for the past 4 years! I had to leave them a special gift - so they ended up with Proto-Flea which, with a bit of luck, will be worth a fortune on eBay one day.

The next morning, we awoke to a table bowing under the weight of cereal and, having thoroughly filled our boots, we were soon on our way to Ottawa.



But again - I jump ahead of myself.

You may recall my reservations about Guido picking sage brush and bringing it into the cab for us to smell and 'enjoy'.
Well, over the next couple of days he developed an amazing rash and claimed he was being poisoned by American meat. The turkey in his sub in particular.

An artist's impression of Guido's rash.

Me, being the voice of reason, kept saying, "No, it's that bloody sage brush", but my complaints fell on deaf ears. It was only while at the O'Neill house, that Alice, John's wife, pointed out the complete and utter toxicity of the plant - hence Guido's unsightly blemishes.
Suffice to say, the offending plant was tossed out of the truck that morning.

You might think that was enough adventure for one day - but no, not with Guido in tow.



We finally reached the border at Port Huron, and I trembled with anticipation at what the border guards would ask me. Would they believe my story? Would they search the truck? Would they find the box of bird seed? In my nervousness, I drove into the wrong lane, and had to endure the humiliation of trying to pass my documents to a woman 10 feet higher than my window. After this, she eyed us with suspicion, and pointed us towards a grey building full of grey people with guns.
I enjoyed a brief interview with the lady behind the counter, who seemed to accept my reasons for entering Canada, and then it was Guido's turn.

Firstly, it was very hard for any of the stony-faced staff behind the counter to believe that a human would spontaneously fly out to San Jose to help his friend drive across the country and then fly home. This just isn't done in this day and age, sir.

Then Guido, being a laid back Dutchman, had ABSOLUTELY NO PROOF that he wasn't planning to illegally immigrate to Canada. He had no printed travel documents, didn't actually know how he was getting back to Holland next Sunday and had conveniently forgotten that he had previously applied for Canadian citizenship a while ago. It all looked very suspicious indeed.
My stomach flipped and flopped as I listened to him dig himself deeper and deeper, and then miracle of miracles, she took pity on this pair of fools, and let us go.
We left Sarnia in our dust!


We were lulled into a false sense of security as we entered the land of beavers and bacon, when we were greeted by a beautiful double rainbow.

But then we remembered, where there is a rainbow, there is usually moisture, and we found ourselves driving the last, 10 hour leg, in pouring rain.

No rain for three days in the USA, then a torrential downpour for the entire Canadian stretch - it was a sign.

Following our 354th gas stop, we finally reached Ottawa, and snuck into the house at 2:30am - there to flop into our beds and dream of wide turns and pancakes.

In the morning we were greeted by the family, I got a kissy from Harry,


and Guido got to meet dumpling.



We had made it. 3000 miles in a U-haul truck in 4 days.
We were exhausted, itchy, stinky and broke, and wouldn't have missed the opportunity of doing it. What an awesome adventure!

I'll be posting more pictures on my FaceBook page in the near future - and eventually Guido's insane blog will rear its head- so stay tuned!

Thanks for joining us on this ride.

Neil and Guido.
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